When I Wanted Out
As I was driving through town coming home tonight, I had a flashback from a Thanksgiving of my past. It wasn't the facade you see scrolling on Facebook or Insta. Thank goodness we didn't have that back then. I had graduated that May, and by November, I didn't recognize the person in the mirror anymore. Before graduation, I had slowly started to hang out with the wrong crowd. I say wrong only because it made my mom cringe. I knew it, and I loved that. Probably not the best thing you want to do to your mom, but I was 18 years old after all. I had been on this life long journey of growing up and trying to find my place in this world, and the world is not our friend.
After graduation, drugs, and alcohol slowly started to consume my weekends. Before too long, I was gone weekends at a time trying to get my next high or go to the next party with friends. My parents had no idea where I was, or if I was even alive or dead. I felt alive with these friends, accepted, known even though I knew what I was doing was no good. It wasn't long until I met a guy along this journey of fun. When you mix drugs, alcohol, and sex before marriage, it is not the right mix. I honestly had no idea that I could get pregnant. That didn't even cross my mind, and I also told myself in laughter that would not happen to me.
I was having fun, and then Thanksgiving week was upon us. The day before Thanksgiving, I was gone all night with my friends, and this guy I had quickly fallen head over heels with. We drank and did drugs the majority of the night into the early morning and I managed to meet my family as they gathered at my Papaws for family lunch that next day. I felt as if everyone had eyes on me and knew what I had done throughout the early morning hours. Tensions were high, and I was ready to talk back to anyone.
Thanksgiving lunch was over, and I was ready to sleep. After all, I had been up pretty much all night. Then, it was time to party again. I lived to go out, but it was this night something changed. My friend and her boyfriend and if you want to call him my boyfriend all rented a hotel. This is the only part I remember and the next morning. That following day I was sober for a brief time and was sick. I was ill at myself and honestly didn't even know how I had gotten to this point. Was this the life I wanted? I felt as if there was no way out. I wanted out but didn't know who or where I could turn.
I am not sure if you are reading this and know someone that is knee-deep in some of the roads I have been on. You might be reading this, and this story is your story. Maybe you think you are pregnant, and you NEVER thought it would happen to you and not sure where to turn. We are here for you. My friend, there is a lot more brokenness to this story, but I am privileged to be writing this to you because there is HOPE. There is someone to talk to, and there is a way out. Your friends here at the Pregnancy Resource Center are here for you. Give us a call at 865-977-8378 and make your free appointment today.
We look forward to being a breath of fresh air for you during this time.